i tried to look for a happy tale to tell after the recent absent on blog-posting. but i'm afraid i could only find this tearful one.

first of all, i must confess, my love-life is not like the ones you wish was yours. almost-relationships after almost-relationships passed in and out of my life, one after the other leaving me and my heart more tainted as it already is.
now, i find myself in a familiar situation yet again. this time i really hope -though my hopes are set on low- that i don't get hurt once again. cause i truly don't think i could handle more damage.

my fear of losing this certain someone, brought unexpected tears to my cheeks. tears that fell from remembering that i may not mean much to him as he means to me, from realizing the truth, that i am not as pretty as the other girls he knows, i am as popular as the other girls he knows, i am not the kind of girl that boys like him -or any boy for that matter- fall for, and i don't think i can compete -or even find the strength to compete- for him. even though i must say this, he is the first guy that makes me want to be perfect for, he's the first guy i want my father(s) to have dinner with, he's the first guy i stay up til 4 o'clock in the morning just to say "hello" online, and he's the first guy i want to cook dinner for.
my almost-relationship with him scares me so much. the things i do and don't do, may sometime seem absolutely lunatic. i don't want to text him a lot cause I'm scared I'll suffocate him, but on the other hand I'm afraid if i don't text him, he'll be texting another girl. i wait just a little longer to go to school just to be a little late so i can arrive when he does. i even read about his hobbies and interests just so i can have something to talk about with him.
he has successfully conquered my world. and I'm terrified as hell if he decides to set me free.

like i said, i have been completely damaged. if this almost-relationship fails again, i seriously do not know what will become of me.